Thursday, May 13, 2010

Finding the end of the rope.....

So what do you do when you find the end of the rope?? You tie a knot and hang on, right?

That's what I'm trying to do. Just this week, I stood at my husband's bedside and said loudly, I NEED A BREAK! He kindly answered, Ok. And, I finished getting him, myself and my youngest child ready for the day. A friend was coming to sit with my husband, and I was about to head out the door for haircuts for daughter and I and then on to the dentist.

Dear Younger Daughter and I did enjoy getting our hair cut, but honestly sometimes getting a haircut can be just another thing on your list of "things to do" for the day. We stopped afterward and ate some Italian food, and had a nice little visit before the dental appointment. That was fun. And, Dear Younger Daughter did well get a little cavity filled, but like me, she is difficult to deaden and was in some discomfort. We returned home, I was tired. We visited with our caregiver for a while, I made coffee, and snacks, Dear Younger Son picked up take out for dinner, and we did little that evening other than watch a movie...... well, and our bedtime routine, which you get if you are a caregiver.

I haven't gotten that break yet, but the lunch out was a bit of a respite in between marking two things off my list. The next two weeks are more dental and orthodontic appointments for Dear Younger Daughter. And, I got a phone call this morning about my prescription sunglasses, evidently there is a problem, again. And, it looks like I may need to make a run to TSO, again. More appointments.

When do I get that break???? I'm not sure. Four hours on Wednesdays off, which are filled with appointments. And, Saturdays, four hours of Home Health Care, which are filled with grocery shopping, etc. Hmmm, that doesn't leave much time for respite.

Finding someone to be here for 24 hours, so I can have time off is NOT always easy, but I'm in the process of finding some way to get it done. I need a day at the beach. For some reason I know it is what will heal me, soothe my trouble spirit. Some music from the iPod, a book, wind blowing in my face....that's what I need. And, I'll get there, somehow, someday.

Just gotta hang on......


Madge said...

Paula, I started reading your blog recently and have read all the old posts as well as the current one. I want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Although my life experience is different from yours, I know what you are talking about. A few hours or a day here and there to yourself can be a gift without a price tag. May God bless you and send you the help you need.

Paula said...

Thanks Madge. My husband and I are talking things through and trying to figure out ways for me to have the breaks I need.

I don't mean to complain on my blog, but there needs to be a balance between the good and the bad. So, I'm trying to be more open to the difficulty, as well as the blessing of caregiving. I would feel terrible if someone reading my blog thought that we only had good and easy days. That is not the case.

It seems as if the Lord brings bits of refreshment when I need it. Making time and doing the work it takes to have respite is necessary, but not always easy.

Jenn said...

I found myself drawn to your blog because, like you, I care for my husband with progressive MS.

It was rather refreshing reading this post because I am in a VERY similar situation myself. We have 3 kids and when I am not caring for my husband I am running them to games, recitals, appointments, etc. In fact I just started a blog myself and posted about this very subject this morning.

What I am trying to say is while I hate my situation.....and I use that term because I know that MS is not what I asked for.....I am glad that I am not alone.

Thank you for your blog, it inspired me to start my own, and thank you for being a caregiver. I know it's a thankless job and I just wanted you to know that I recognize the good you are doing, the good all caregivers do every day!