Friday, April 1, 2011

You're gonna miss this

Before you read this post, please watch this video.

Yesterday, I hit a bit of a rough patch. Nothing major, just a couple of times rescheduling our aide, a bit of extra work, less sleep, and such.

And, I had an unexpected rush of memories and a look into the future all at once this week. You know, one of those experiences that you aren't expecting. Seeing something that reminds you of the reality of your life and the fragility of the one you love.

Anyway, after having lunch with my youngest yesterday, she put a song on in the van, the one I shared above. I've heard it before. Always makes me cry. I remember the events in my own life....wanting to grow up, the early years of marriage, having little ones. And, yes, I miss it.

But that afternoon, when things settled down, emotionally and busyness wise, I had time to think. I often find myself frustrated over little things in life, in caregiving. Having my sweet husband wake me in the middle of the night, or staying up way later than I intended, because he can't sleep, or staying home for days on end because the caregiver canceled, or I just can't get away, or having to change sheets, wash hair, on and on.

I get tired and cranky. I complain at times. I feel cheated.

And, then the words to this song hit me. Is it possible that although these times, right now, are difficult, and frustrating, are THESE the days that soon I'll miss?

Am I going to miss it? Are these the days that I should be savoring and enjoying? Yes, they are. I know now that high school was a fun time. I know now that those early days of marriage were precious. And, now, I understand that babies grow up too quickly and today, there are times I long to have those precious children under my feet, making messes.

So today, when my sweet hubby calls me, I'm going to treasure it. I'm going to go to with love in my heart, and know that someday......I'm gonna miss this.


WhiteStone said...

Every moment is precious.
We too often look forward in anticipation...better times, less stress...we'll be "happy" in the future. However, our "happy" should be in the now...we live in the "now" and so the "now" should be lived well. Bless you.

Denise said...

Hi Paula, I have visited this blog a few times....I too am a caregiver for my husband. That song brings tears to my eyes every time I hear it, thank you for reminding me that I'm going to miss this time in my life too.